I was going to post something different today, but I didn’t finish the crochet piece that goes with that post. It’s only a few more rows, but the last few days I noticed that I started to hold the yarn and hook differently, and that caused my stitches to change. This unconscious reaction to the discomfort in my wrist and fingers caused the simple basket to look uneven and sloppy.
The pain in my joints shows up every six or so months, and stays a few weeks. When it’s in my hands it’s more of an annoyance, a quiet, dull sensation that doesn’t really impact my daily activities. I have had it come and go since I was 13, and normally I don’t even mention it. Once a rheumatologist recommended homeopathic drops for it, so it is nothing serious. It just makes those stitches different as I try to avoid even that little pain.
Sometimes in life I try to avoid a little pain, and while it seems that nothing is changed, but just that little avoidance of something painful or uncomfortable can hinder me from achieving my goal. Coming back to the Church I knew one thing: I wanted to return to the Temple. I need a Temple recommend for that. I need to be active in my own ward to be able to get a Temple recommend. However, just the thought of going to my own ward gave me a panic attack. I couldn’t just do that. So to avoid the stress and pain, I went somewhere else. It was still better than not going anywhere, like for so many years before this summer, but it still wasn’t helping me to get to my goal. I needed to face that pain and with the help of lots of wonderful people in my ward, just get over it.
Of course it doesn’t always work like that with physical pain. While there are new projects I could start now, and finish them before I get back to my regular stitches, I think I’ll rest my hook for a few days, and get that book out of my crochet bag, and just enjoy a little more reading time. Because that will make life better and more beautiful.